The Bad: Shifting my car into drive on one of the steepest hills in all of Seattle (which is saying something), but accidentally shifting into neutral, causing it to plummet at a surprisingly fast speed towards the parked car behind me.

The Good: Video game reflexes and recently repaired brakes.

The Ugly: The guy that watched all this happen and made eye contact with me in that Seattle kinda "you dumbass" way.

Today is today. And I can't seem to stop eating. And I'm eating all the things that aren't good for me, seemingly because sugar and fat and salt and fizz spark a nice pleasure reaction that gives me a well-needed shock. I'm still not really back to any practice, but I am back to having the house cleaned, the bills paid, the taxes handled, and plans for all future 2007 vacations in the can.

Tonight I will break out Google Calendar and see what I can do about carving out creative time. But I'm realizing that I've lost one of the biggest and most vocal reasons why I used to create. I am seeing that a very big reason I created was because it filled something inside of me that was empty otherwise, it soothed a place in me that wanted energy poured into it.

Now that place is filled and complete. And I feel a little lost without it, and without its motivation, like a junkie in withdrawal. But like something unhealthy and addictive, despite the hunger for it, the truth is that it just gets in the way of fulfillment. It served whatever purpose it served and seems to have vanished in the events of this summer. And I'll bet once I can get my footing into connection again, the way forward will be clearer.

So I've decided that, what with so many other things starting anew, that I should start from scratch, and remember and look for those places again of enjoyment, play, and of expression. I'd like to give myself permission now, without hesitation, to grow up, take myself seriously as an artist and spiritualist/shaman, and embrace the integrated power of being a child.