Tonight I dragged my sick-feeling body out of the house, as promised, to write at a coffee shop, Chocolati in Wallingford. My prediction was that by venturing into a coffee-loving city on a dark night and keeping close to a major American university in the middle of term, I'd have the place largely to myself.

I'm horrible at anticipating trends and outcomes.

Chocolati was packed. Ladro, nearby, also packed. So I went home, pulled into my parking lot and thought too late about Mr. Spot's or Verite in Ballard, sneezed twice and shivered and just came indoors to wear my robe.

If anyone has a great North Seattle writing location, I'd love to hear about it. Never having written on a laptop in a coffee shop, yes you heard me, NEVER having done that, I did not have a good plan of attack as to alternative locations. Advice requested.

You might notice that I'm writing a *journal* entry again after saying that I was bored by doing it. That's because I feel really, really shut off and squeezed energetically, creatively, spiritually. It's been a long time since I've had to struggle against this level of shut to seek open. Journaling helps, and I need to be doing it, not because it's writing, but because it's communicating.

That said, today I had a thought come to me that feels like it's a key to many things that have been strained and not flowing lately. I need to be having more fun. I've had that thought before at various times and through various means, and it may seem like I keep hitting the same thing over and over again and then forgetting it, but it's not. How I work is by feeling the same idea or notion strike deeper and different layers, and processing it on those layers until it eventually just stays. I'm not a quick learner when it comes to changing myself, but I am a thorough one.

My goal for the next few years is to develop a play workshop that teaches, or rather supports the integration of play into all aspects of life. As I grow and learn and age, as I confront death and heaviness and struggle with hard lessons, I see more and more the need and the value of play and how it can greatly relieve stress, open the channels of change, and promote an energetic flow and freedom. In some ways, I've been working on this for almost ten years, it being the single philosophy I return to in times of confusion or loss or shutdown. I ran my first "playshops" in Washington, D.C. in 1998.

My practice is something I largely dislike, but I do it because it's good for me. My creativity is turning into the same kind of work that I do during the day to make money, the work that tires me out and hurts my eyes. Tonight I hit the realization that I never really want to have my creative spaces, that I've grown to endure them as long as they last so that I can get to my do nothing day. Posting this makes me feel like I've accomplished something so that I can then do something I really want to be doing. And that's not how it should work.

When you aren't being paid for it, when it's what you supposedly are choosing to do in your free time as a means of fulfillment and expression or good health, you might as well go crazy with it. It's called a "play" after all, as imtboo would say. If I'm not enjoying it on some level, if it doesn't have play inside it on some level, why am I spending the short time of my life on it at all?

Good? Bad? How about just fulfilling and enjoyable instead?

In a while, I'll be returning to blogspot. I'll be slowly culling the best posts from 1997 to the present into a new blog and going forth from there, writing entries that are structured in the same way that the Lake Crescent entries were. I'm going to do this because Live Journal as it is created doesn't easily allow for multiple blogs, or quick changes without going through multiple users. I need a tool that allows me to have as many blogs or as few blogs going at one time as I want, something that better allows for the freedom to try and to delete and change. I also need a place where I can craft entries together in a more cohesive feel, be selective about what belongs there, and then see what they look like as a whole - being more public and "anonymous" in their posting.

I'll be cross posting most of that to Live Journal and continuing this space as a journal. I'd also like to continue to use blackwingedboy in some capacity. If I don't cross post, I'll be posting links to new content, should you care to see it.

Lastly, more requested of advice. It's somewhat likely that "This Wallingford Life" may be rendered null and void by a move out of Wallingford, depending on what happens with my apartment building. I'm seeking a new name that is not location specific, and perhaps isn't related to "This American Life", as I'm tired of being the "me too" guy. Ideas are welcome.

That's enough from me. I'm going to bed.