With half an hour yet to go in the day, I'm still at a post a day for the last three. Good on me.

I had five hours with imtboo tonight and emerged back home feeling like a completely different person. Things seem more hopeful at the moment and less closed and cold and dark. We created a space of honest release together over coffee, theater and woolly gloves. I granted myself the permission to say 'fuck' as many times as I felt like, which turned out to be several thousand, ala:

"You know, the fucked up thing about that fucking emotion is that... FUCK, it's just so fucking ridiculous and I'm not going to fucking do that fucking shit anymore."

Mmm. I love that word.

We also wrote a mini musical while parking. The hit song is "Jumping, jumping, jumping"

An any rate, I feel like I have discovered some tools again that I can use to carve myself out of this funk, which include but are not limited to the return to practice. And I think it's time that I being to develop some of the more psychological workshops I've always had in mind by using myself as an experiment, starting this weekend. I also feel like I can start giving myself the permission to do some things of a more freeing nature for myself.

But I'm going to bed in a few hours and I don't feel empty. That's a good thing.

A much longer, real entry comes tomorrow, when I return to all things me.

But for now... you know those moments when you fall in love with a band? Sometimes they aren't the first time you hear the CD and sometimes they aren't the 100th time you hear it. Sometimes, you fall in love with a band when something major happens in your life and you seek out the music to play behind it, and emotional landscapes snap into place with melodies and harmonies.

When you find the perfect music, the music that not only accompanies and illuminates your experience, but brings a fullness to it... when that perfect music is played over and over and over without stop until it echoes long after the experience... that's a special kind of love long beyond any crush.

Death Cab for Cutie, thank you. I wouldn't have made it without you. Welcome to eternal heavy rotation.